why not?

we sat there on the swings, away from the bustle of the crowds. it was just us two dangling our feet carelessly on that quiet, clear and bright day – actually, no… now that i think about it, i think lydia and dj were with us around there somewhere, but well out of earshot.

how did we get there? i don’t remember. why was i with her? i don’t remember… i simply remember feeling a bit unsettled that i was alone with a girl who was the complete opposite of me. we had absolutely nothing in common – how was i going to start or continue a conversation with her?

but i didn’t have to worry; after a moment of awkward silence, the dam broke. she looked at me, and i could smell the heavy smoke that still lingered on her clothes after the secret stoge she took with her friends. i could’ve busted her there, commanded her to turn up her pockets, and that would have been the end of it… and the end of her. at that time, i was zealous enough to do it. but i didn’t… it didn’t seem important at the moment.

i don’t know why she picked me, of all people… there were plenty of others who probably could have sympathized with her. we led totally different lifestyles, and at times it was difficult for me to picture what she was going through…

she kept talking, kept pouring out her heart… our feet had stopped swinging a long time ago; she had my full attention. i knew she had problems – the whole world knew she had problems. from the way she talked and dressed, the way she acted, the people she was with and the way she was always, somehow, involved in or butted into drama – lots of people had issues with her.

and personally, i didn’t really care about her. she was just another hopeless case, a face that drifted in and out of church, who was there in body but not in mind or spirit. she wasn’t the only one i had to deal with. but the more she talked and opened up to me, the less she became a rumor, a statistic, and more a person – a living, breathing, loving and hurting soul.

i think that was an important turning point in our relationship. even after that we didn’t talk or chill that often, but whenever our eyes met, we’d feel that unspoken bond of love and trust. i can’t say that i was always there for her, and i had looked out for her through the good and bad times. at times, i regret it – i regret being so wrapped up in my own life and issues, that i hadn’t truly shown her the love and attention that she longed for all her life.

at the same time, i learned that i can’t be superwoman… there are many things in this world that i can’t change. it was such a frustrating yet humbling realization, knowing that if i truly want the best for someone, i have to let them go and let God…